Kenny Sees All
by russgirl
Summary: Kenny after coming back from being dead some time in his junior year of high school, sees something that none of the South Park kids saw coming. Read along as he as an outside observer watches the drama unfold in the last two years of school. Slash!Kyman!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or the characters portrayed within South Park. Also I make no money off of this endeavor, it is more for me to get thoughts out of my head so that I can get things done. This is a drabble-like story, I am not really going for a major plot here. There will be a plot but will not be very developed. I would appreciate constructive criticism on my writing style, technique, story progression, etc.**

Almost all the kids still rode the bus although most of us were juniors in high school. I walked up to the bus stop in my orange sweater and dark brown cargo pants. My head heart like a bitch but that was to be expected considering where I had been the last few days. Kyle and Stan were working on some project that they needed done today and Cartman was listening to his iPod. Cartman glanced my way as I walked up beside him but he barely acknowledged me. I could hear the music wafting through the headphones, it sounded like from the muffled lyrics I could make out that Cartman was not in a good mood. 'Well I won't be fucking with him' I thought. I moved to Cartman's other side and noticed that Kyle didn't seem to really be paying attention to the project that he and Stan were working on.

"What's up dudes, did I miss anything?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Nah, man, Garrison switching from Miss to Mister all the fucking time and Kyle here got asked out by Bebe Stevens," Stan answered.

"Wow dude, Bebe asked you out? You're going out with her right Kyle?" I ask impressed.

"I don't know Kenny, she's not really my type," Kyle said shyly but I could tell that he wasn't really looking at me. We were silent for the rest of the wait and got on the bus without speaking a word. Something about Cartman's quietness irked me so I sat next to him on the bus. He gave me a glare that could kill trying to relay that he wanted to be alone but I ignored it. Behind us was Stan sitting with Wendy his girlfriend of three years, and next to us was Kyle.

"What's wrong fat-ass?" I asked keeping up the normal insult although since Cartman hit puberty and shot up to a towering 6 foot 4 inches he was no longer fat, just broad, and slightly built. He huffed and glanced over to me. I followed his gaze that seemed to be slightly past me and turned to see a very uncomfortable Kyle being harassed by a very persistent Bebe. The gears in my head started turning and I thought back to the few days before my recent 'death'. They both had been acting strange, Cartman not nearly as rude to Kyle, and Kyle seeming shyer around Cartman. Not so rude Cartman + Shy Kyle = Holy shit! I swing my head back to Cartman so quick I'm surprised I didn't break my neck and his look tells me all. "Go get her off your man," I say quietly and Cartman's expression makes me nearly laugh my head off.

As we all sit in homeroom I continue to watch Cartman listen to his 'angry' music and Kyle try to get Bebe to leave him alone. 'Maybe I am wrong' I thought slowly as Cartman continued to do nothing. Mr. /Ms. Garrison walked into the class and sat down in the chair behind the desk. He looked around the room at all of us before starting to speak, "Okay class, I know I said to have your project done but today is emotional awareness day, so we're not allowed to teach." I expected Cartman to say something about this but it was actually Stan that said something.

"Uh, what the fuck is emotional awareness day?"

"It's a new bullshit day that your school institution started after the increase in teenage suicide. Because they're worried that you will all turn into angst-ridden little fuck-heads and kill yourself we must have a day once a month where you stay in your homeroom and talk about your bullshit feelings."

"With you?" Stan asked incredulously.

"Hey I don't want to hear about your fucking problems but it's part of my job description that I do whatever the administration says, so who should we start with?"

"Cartman!" I yell out from my desk as a candidate.

"Okay, Eric Cartman will you please come forward?" Cartman didn't budge, probably because he wasn't paying attention to what was occurring around him. When he continued to stay seated Butters pulled one of his earplugs out and told him what was happening.

"Hell fucking no!" Cartman yelled after figuring out what was required of him.

"Eric let me just do my job and you don't want me giving you another detention now do you? You have, what, four more before your suspended from the school and that's not even including that you get another fight and you get expelled?" Mr. /Ms. Garrison said. Cartman was red with fury but recognizing he only had to put up with this crap for another two years he stood to walk up to the front of the class. We were told that we could ask any question and the candidate had to answer it as part of emotional awareness day.

"Why do you get into so many fights?" Wendy started off asking.

"Because lots of people piss me off, so I fight them."

"Why do you always listen to your iPod?" Butters asked next.

"Listening to music relaxes me."

"Are you gay?" I blurted out.

"What? Why the fuck would you ask me that!" Oh, shit he was going to hurt me now, but I had to know. Mr./ Ms. Garrison reminded him that he had to answer any question.

"Yes I am, what of it."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Bebe asked next, good now it wouldn't only be me.

"Sort of, I guess."

"How the hell do you sort of have a boyfriend Cartman?" Stan asked annoyed.

"It's complicated, how can you and Wendy say that you've been going out three years when you have been broken-up half that time?"

"Fuck off fat-ass!"

"Who is your sort of boyfriend Cartman?" I asked hoping that he having to answer my questions would confirm my suspicions. Instead, Cartman refused to answer and when Garrison tried to make him, he punched him sending him flying back. Garrison sent Cartman to the principal's office although we knew that he wouldn't be expelled, the principal was terrified of him. Kyle was up next and we endured a few questions about his strange behavior and then more about how he should date Bebe before I asked my questions.

"Eric Cartman is your boyfriend isn't he?" I asked as everyone around me gasped. Stan laughed like there was no tomorrow sure that I was joking and Wendy looked toward Kyle for an answer.

"Yes, Eric Cartman and I have been dating for a year."

"A year!" came the simultaneous exclaims of shock, "How, how could you hide that?"

"Really, they weren't but may I ask, what changed about a week ago that made it harder for him to hide your relationship and caused you to be so shy?"

"A week ago Eric gave me a promise ring."

No one really talked about what was discovered in homeroom that morning and apparently after lunch was another emotional awareness day activity. Lunch was tense as Cartman was still in the principal's office probably being threatened with expulsion if _one more_ incident occurred. I think Cartman has been at the 'one more' incident point for the last year and a half. Sitting next to Kyle, I couldn't help but notice the not so subtle looks of anger coming from Bebe's group. "Hey Kyle, I wouldn't go anywhere alone for a while."

"Yeah I know Kenny, thanks for mentioning it though," Kyle said sullenly as he stared down at his tray of food. Stan had thought the promise ring statement had been a hoax or that the commitment had been what opened Kyle's eyes that they shouldn't be together. But Kyle just looked angry that Stan would suggest that Kyle would run at commitment and pulled a chain from under his shirt that had a ring dangling at the end of it. 'Well shit!' I thought as I looked at the promise ring indicating that the two were indeed serious about one another. I started thinking about how I didn't see it before now until I heard a commotion a few tables down: Bebe's table.

"I don't know what you did to him Fat-ass but I will show him that pussy is much better!" Bebe shouts loudly. Cartman doesn't look like he is going to respond as he continues to move forward, until Bebe says the one thing that no one without a death wish would say to Eric Cartman. "You will just end up fucking around on Kyle anyway, after all you grew up with that whore of a mom!" The entire lunch room went silent as they looked up to see Cartman's reaction. His absolute stillness did nothing to assuage peoples' fears. Hell, there were rumors floating that Cartman worked with Christophe 'Ze Mole' DeLorne as a mercenary. Actually, it was true but most people didn't know that. Out of the corner of my eye I see Christophe moving forward to most likely keep Cartman from mass homicide.

"Cartman, do not listen to this bitch. Just walk over to Kyle and forget about what she said," Christophe says gently. After all, Christophe knows that Cartman is much more dangerous than our wildest rumors. It appeared that Cartman was going to walk away from the insult until Bebe decided to force his hand. Bebe, being the stupid girl that she is, decided to point out that Kyle's mom would never allow such a relationship. She continued by telling everyone that she would tell his parents about it and break them up. Well, she essentially just put a target on her head, for we all knew that she was a dead girl walking. Christophe and Cartman came over to the table and sat down.


	2. Chapter 2

After lunch, Cartman disappeared. When the rest of the class gathered back into homeroom with Mr./Ms. Garrison, it was to see Gregory Thorne sitting on Kyle's desk. Kyle and I approached him cautiously. "Eric and Christophe are blowing off some steam and going on a camping trip for a bit, he should be back in a day or two," Gregory said gently to Kyle before walking out the room. I knew that this was most likely code for a mission or something; after all, everyone knew that Gregory was the contact for 'Ze Mole' and therefore Cartman. I shrugged the comment off after all it was none of my business, but looking over to Bebe I could see that she understood that Cartman wouldn't be around for a while.

Garrison walked back into the classroom to start the second part of emotional awareness day, which turned out to be us writing our thoughts and feelings out via poetry. The poems were then recited to the class. In all, it was a pretty boring afternoon, so when the bell rang to signal the end of the day, I grabbed Kyle and sprinted to my locker. The bus ride wasn't all that eventful but when I walked Kyle back to his house, I had a bad feeling.

"Kyle, maybe you should go out for a bit instead of coming right in," Ike said carefully once we reached the front yard. That's when I remembered Bebe's threat. 'No,' I thought, 'she can't be that stupid.' Unfortunately, Mrs. Broflowski had seen us approaching.

"Kyle! Tell me that what that Bebe Stevens said isn't true!" she yelled at a frozen Kyle.

"Mom, I…I don't…I don't know…" Kyle stuttered until his mother finally had enough and confirmed my worst fear. She started ranting about the evilness of gays and how there was no way that her precious Kyle could be gay. Then she started into her rant about the terrible Cartman boy and that there was no way that her Kyle would get involved with someone like that, especially not in a gay sense. Her ranting continued on and on, until I could see that Kyle was no longer holding his tears in and there was a steady stream of them coming down his face.

"Mom! Kyle has a right to love whomever he wants to. Stop interfering in his life!" Ike ground out, effectively startling his mother into silence. I stayed still knowing that interfering wouldn't be a good idea, but wishing to comfort Kyle. Mrs. Broflowski looked from Ike to Kyle's tear strained face and back to Ike, until she turned from them and stormed out of the house. 'Shit, she's going on another of her _missions_,' I thought hoping she doesn't put herself on Cartman's hit list.

After I left, I didn't see Kyle much outside of school and Cartman and Christophe weren't back from their _camping trip_ yet. I did notice that Mrs. Broflowski was surprisingly petitioning the mayor to allow gay marriage in South Park. Kyle didn't say much about his mom's crusades but I could see he was shocked as well when the rumors about them reached him. After all, nothing stays secret in South Park. I surprisingly, did not get killed within that week and was at school when Cartman and Christophe showed back up. Cartman looked much calmer and looked completely unfazed with the stares and whispers as he sat down next to Kyle at the lunch table. Stan still looked a bit uncomfortable with the thought of his super best friend together with his childhood enemy, but luckily didn't say anything about it.

"So, did I miss anything important?" Cartman asked coolly. 'As if you give a shit' was my thought.

"Bebe told my mom about us," Kyle said quietly hoping that maybe it would keep Cartman from blowing.

"That bitch did what? Your mom didn't go off on one of her bullshit crusades again did she, because I swear god Kyle, your mom or not, I will kill her if she tries to separate us," Cartman said dangerously. I actually feared Cartman a bit then, I mean more than normal. It never really occurred to me how dangerous he was until I heard him talk so calmly about killing someone. 'Maybe he really is a sociopath' I thought to myself.

"No! No, Eric, she actually is crusading for legalizing gay marriage in South Park," Kyle said still a bit shocked.

" I knew it, that bitch just can't…wait, what did you say?" Cartman says flabbergasted.

"My mom's crusading to legalized gay marriage in South Park," Kyle says amused. I myself am a bit amused, but really this is like a bad Twilight Zone episode. Maybe that guy with the kick ass voice will come on as we all freeze in time, and start saying something like 'Kenny McCormick woke up thinking that it was just another day in South Park, but what he hasn't realized is he's taking a fall from dreamland into the Twilight Zone.' But of course, reality had to come back in the form of Bebe Stevens.

"Just because your mom doesn't have a problem with it now doesn't mean she will stay that way when she sees exactly what type of guy Cartman is. I mean what mother would want their kid with a sociopathic, homicidal mercenary," Bebe says smugly. 'Is she really that dumb, I mean really what sane fucking person provokes a sociopathic, homicidal mercenary?' I think to myself incredulously. I look over to Kyle to see him staring at Bebe with a 'Do you have fucking death wish?' look and I can see the same look reflected by Stan and Wendy. It doesn't take long for Cartman to be out of his seat with a knife to her throat. Seriously though, anyone could have seen that one coming. I mean we're talking about the kid that tricked that one kid into eating his own parents that were cooked up in chili because the kid wouldn't give him his money back. Who the fuck messes with someone like that?

Kyle and Christophe are able to get Cartman to pull away from her just because, as Christophe said, "It is harder to explain a dead body with lots of witnesses." Maybe you didn't catch that. He is all for killing her, just not in front of witnesses. Well if Bebe has any sense she would leave Kyle alone. But I guess that was asking for too much.


	3. Chapter 3

It was finally the weekend and Kyle and I decided to play video games together at the local arcade. Stan had football practice, I think, but it is cool that I get this time with Kyle. Especially without Cartman because time with just Kyle allows me to tease. It was on the second level of some generic zombie shooter game that I decided to start my torture…I mean teasing.

"So Kyle…does Cartman have good stamina, you know as a mercenary?" I asked innocently.

"Um, I guess that he does I mean he comes back each time," Kyle said suspiciously.

"And does Cartman _come_ pretty quickly, you know when he gets back from missions?"

"No, he normally takes time to himself so that he doesn't have any issues about it with me. He keeps that part of himself and our relationship separate," Kyle says hesitantly. Not wanting him to catch on, I drop the conversation for the moment. We continue to play videogames, but it is when he are playing air hockey that my brain starts to wander again.

"Do you and Cartman work out together?" I ask hoping that Kyle will take the bait. Of course Kyle doesn't understand where this is going, which is perfect for me.

"Um, sometimes we will jog together in the mornings whenever I stay over with him. He likes to make sure I am getting proper exercise, you know with my diabetes," Kyle answers. 'Well shit, I didn't think that they spent the night together,' I though joyously, 'this makes teasing so much easier.'

"Do you guys spend nights together often?" I ask slyly. Kyle turns an adorable pinkish-red shade that looks even brighter with the bits of his red hair peaking from under his hat. Oh, I didn't mention what Kyle looks like did I? Well, he pretty much looks the same as in grade school with that green hat, but it actually looks good on him. His eyes are brighter now that he wears contacts more often than his glasses and he is at a good 5'8" in height. His hair is no longer that puffball Jewish fro but now more tamed and slightly wavy. 'I personally he takes like a shit-load of time to make it that way, but it isn't my place to question.' Kyle still hides his hair under the hat but bits can be seen at the edges or in his face. He is thin but not in a girly way, you know.

"How is that any of your business?" Kyle shrieks out. 'Oh I got him on the last question, now to play the innocent act,' I thought happily.

"I was just wondering how often you guys were able to work out together, I mean Cartman seems like he works out a lot," I say confusedly. Kyle's face gets even brighter at his perceived misconception.

"Oh…oh, I just…I mean Kenny you're not exactly…I mean yeah, we…we get to work out together quite a bit. I mean at least three times a week," Kyle says in that cute little stutter he gets when he's flustered.

"So is Cartman a quiet jogger or does he grunt and breathe heavily as he runs?" I ask in the most non-sensual sense I can muster.

"He's pretty quiet, I mean he normally listens to his music and makes sure that I'm doing okay. He always allows us to slow to a quick walk when I start breathing too hard, unless he wants to push me harder to build my stamina," Kyle says oblivious to the way I'm able to twist his casual explanation of their exercise routine.

"So Cartman likes to listen to music while he exercises?"

"Yeah, he says it helps keep him focused," Kyle asked with a small shrug. 'Ok, now it's time to go in for the kill,' I think evilly.

"So you're a screamer, huh?" I ask casually. Kyle's head snaps up and his hands fall to the sides of the table, allowing me a straight shot with the puck, as he turns a fiery red. He starts to sputter and stutter in an incomprehensible pattern, yeah that's right I know big words, as he realizes how the conversation was interpreted in my perverted mind. I, of course, just smile a Cheshire cat grin and watch.

A few hours after the arcade incident, as Kyle called it, we met up with Stan and Wendy. Stan was focusing really hard on Kyle for some reason and Wendy was looking at me with an annoyed look. The four of us walked together down to Kyle's house, it was closest. Ike was sitting in the kitchen drinking chocolate milk as we came in the room. Kyle went to the fridge, pulled out some sandwich material, and started to make sandwiches for everyone. Stan continued to stare at Kyle like he held the meaning of life or some shit. Eventually Kyle had enough and stopped mid sandwich.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Kyle said with some frustration coating his voice. 'So he noticed it from the beginning?' I thought to myself as I sat back to watch the fireworks.

"You're really with Cartman, I mean you're not shitting me or faking it?" Stan said hopefully. It was obvious that Kyle was upset as he turned from the counter and walked out the room. Ike and Wendy followed him as I watched Stan. 'Hum, looks like Stan really can't handle this,' I thought. I continued to watch as Stan looked back and forth from the door to me wondering what was going on.

"What problem do you have with Cartman, I mean besides him being a prick?" I asked curiously. Stan really never cared about Cartman one way or another except that Cartman always ragged on Kyle. Surprised flickered across Stan's face before he answered my question.

"Kyle can just do better than him. I mean Kyle deserves someone who will take care of him and treasure him. Someone who will be able to help him pay for his education for whatever he decides and will support his decisions. He deserves someone who will love him and show that, you know?" Stan said passionately and heatedly.

'If I didn't know better…' I thought but cut it off as I knew that Stan was 100% straight. So, I stated what anyone would say to that answer.

"Dude that is so gay," I drawled out slowly.

"Be serious Kenny! I mean Cartman is a mercenary for crying out loud, how the hell is he good for Kyle?" Stan growled out.

"Maybe you should ask Kyle why he is with me, instead of speculating on things you don't know Marsh. You know nothing about me, never have… never will." Cartman's voice said from behind us.


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday night, as I was walking along the streets of South Park, I saw Bebe doing something with a camera. Deciding to see what she was up to, I followed behind her to discover that she was trailing Cartman and Christophe. Not the smartest thing in my book, but hey Bebe's a whore not a brain. 'Is she trying to get evidence on Cartman or something?' I thought to myself. I watched as she snapped some pictures of the two of them climbing a fence to one of the mansions on the rich side of town. Bebe appeared to be zooming her camera in,so I look towards the house to see a rope dropping from a third story window. I watch as one of the two, I can't tell from this distance, climb down from the window. The rope is pulled back up only to lower a bit later with an object tied to the bottom. Once the object is on the ground the rope is dropped from the window. It's a few minutes later, and Bebe is still taking pictures, that the other figure comes from one of the doors on the main floor and they move towards the fence. Who I can now recognize as Christophe hops to the top of the fence and lays a blanket on the barbed wire at the top before sitting. Cartman hands the object to him and then hops the fence completely. The object is traded from Christophe to Cartman and Christophe balances on the fence to remove the blanket before hopping down. Bebe continues to follow them.

'Bebe has no idea what she is messing with,' I think to myself as I walk away from the scene and back towards the shitty trailer I call home. I enter the house silently and make my way into my room to get some sleep.

The scene at the bus stop was a bit strained as Cartman had an arm around Kyle and Stan seemed to be glaring at Cartman. It was times like these that I wondered on Stan's sexuality or his closeness to Kyle. But of course I wouldn't let a little strain get in my way of greeting my friends, so I walked up with my normal greeting.

"Hey guys," I started and as usual they all replied with their 'Hey Kenny' before I slipped in between Stan and Kyle. Stan shifted his glare to me and grumbled under his breath about 'traitors' and 'misunderstandings', it made me wonder what the conversation between Kyle and Stan had been like. We continued to stand at the bus stop for a bit before Cartman reached into a pocket to pull out a cell phone. He easily flipped it open before placing it to his ear. The one sided conversation didn't tell us much about who was on the phone or the content of the conversation before Cartman hung up. Cartman pulled Kyle closer to him and turned to get a hold around his waist.

"Mom is having some problems with an old boyfriend of hers and wants me home for today while she tell him off, so I'll see you tonight okay?" Cartman said softly. 'I don't think we were supposed to hear that but, hey, if the prick wanted privacy then he should have moved away,' I thought to myself considering the teasing I would be able to do today.

"Okay but you'll be in school tomorrow, right Eric?" Kyle asked slightly annoyed. 'I don't blame him,' I thought sympathetically.

"Of course, and stay near Christophe and Kenny today, I don't want Bebe anywhere near you," Cartman growled out before harshly kissing Kyle and walking back in the direction of his house. Kyle had a slight dazed expression on his face before he noticed Stan and me standing next to him and promptly turning pink from embarrassment.

I cruised through the morning in my normal 'I don't give a shit' attitude as I walked with Kyle and Christophe through the halls or sat writing porn and making sexual drawings instead of taking notes. Finally, it was lunch and I was able to sit down at our usual table. Of course, our group was missing Cartman and added Christophe but hey, it was still basically the same. Stan seemed to be still in a pissy mood as he barely spoke and Wendy seemed to be punishing him for his comments towards Kyle, as she didn't allow him to touch her all day. 'Nothing compares to a woman scorned,' I though amusedly as Stan kept trying to put his arm around Wendy's waist as usual until she would glare at him with a promise of pain in her eyes.

"Where's the sociopath, he would have been happy to know I have all the proof I need to show Kyle's mom that he's a homicidal criminal," Bebe spoke up from behind me. I turned to look at her in surprise, as Christophe seemed to be communicating with someone across the room with hand signals.

"What are you talking about Bebe?" Kyle asked in annoyance.

"Oh nothing much, just that your little boyfriend is a mercenary and I have the evidence to prove it. How are the two of you going to stay together when your mom calls the police on him, hum? It won't look good on your college application to say that you are in a relationship with a convicted felon," She said snidely.

"I see no proof and I would be careful of where my obsessions led me Ms. Stevens, you never know what type of people you are playing with," a cool voice sounded from behind Bebe. I saw that it was Gregory Thorne the contact for Cartman and Christophe.


	5. Chapter 5

The next month or so was relatively calm after that and it seemed that Bebe had backed off, but that all changed as the dance loomed closer. All around the school were flyers for the spring social, as the dance was called, and girls were excitedly chatting away about it. I stood against the lockers with Cartman and Kyle, although Kyle was actually leaning against Cartman, not the lockers. Looking up and down the hallway, I saw Christophe approaching from the right.

"Hey Cartman, Gregory says that there might be a major problem with Stevens soon," Christophe said as he came to a stop in front of me.

"If the bitch can't take a hint then there will be a problem, but I don't want to talk about this here," Cartman said disgruntled.

"Maybe, I should talk to her," Kyle spoke up hesitantly, "Kenny could come with me? That way we can try to resolve this without it escalating." Of course, I took that to mean 'so we can resolve this without bloodshed' but hey, that was my mind supplying the unspoken context. So, Kyle and I walked away to where we knew Bebe would be with her friends talking about the dance. Finding Bebe and her group was not hard as all we had to do was find the girls in the most revealing clothes and wearing the most makeup. Upon spotting them, we headed down the hall when Slut # 1 spotted us from where she was talking to Slut # 2 about how to help Slut # 3 help Bebe get Kyle. Slut # 1 immediately alerted Bebe in what she thought was a subtle finger point, but was about as subtle as the 'It's not you, It's me' defense for breaking up with someone. I heard Kyle groan from beside me as Bebe adjusted her shirt to show more cleavage, although if she adjusted once more we would be able to see her whole breast. Walking towards them, we stopped a few feet away.

"Bebe, can we talk?" Kyle asked shyly. It was adorable really, that Kyle was genuinely afraid of her, but then again this is Bebe we are talking about.

"Of course Kyle," Bebe said, batting her eyes in what she assumed was a flirtatious manner. Kyle groaned and pulled me closer to him almost like I could be his human shield, I wonder if I should be offended or not.

"Well Bebe, I wanted to talk about this obsession you have with me," Kyle said in a 'you're a creepy stalker and I don't know why I'm trying to save your life' way. I snickered from my spot next to him, but an elbow in the ribs ended my amusement. Bebe did not seem to have any problems with shooing her slut crew away and staring at me in a 'leave now' way, not that it affected me; I mean I hung around with Cartman. Kyle took a breath and started to explain the situation to Bebe.

"Listen Bebe, you're a great girl, but I'm gay. So, I'm sorry that this is happening and it's not you, really, but I'm not attracted to any girl." I raised an eyebrow when Kyle stopped and looked at Bebe than at me, really, he used that explanation. 'Personally, I think saying leave me alone or my crazy, mercenary boyfriend will kill you' is a better and more effective explanation. From the adoring and lustful look being shot his way by Bebe, I would take a bet that she did not hear a word of the explanation either.

"Oh Kyle, I understand that Cartman threatened you and you are too afraid to go against him," Bebe said, which shocked the hell out of me, "but I will have him in a maximum security prison soon enough." Kyle's ears were rapidly reddening and his hands were tightening into fists at his sides, he was madder than I have seen him in a long time now that I think about it. Bebe continued in her rant about freeing Kyle from Cartman's evil hands, it made her seem more insane with every word.

"Okay listen," Kyle said in a tight voice, "You need to leave me alone before my _boyfriend_ kills you. I was hoping to help you get over it without needing to threaten you with the very real possibility of your demise; but even I know when delusion is too great to be broken by fact." Of course, even angry and defensive, Kyle would use logic to explain his anger. Bebe looked shocked at Kyle's words, but instead of waiting to hear what she had to say, Kyle turned heel and left. I watched the gob-smacked expression on Bebe's face for a while before following Kyle. We walked in silence until we reached the area that Cartman was standing with Christophe. Gregory had joined them at some point while they had been away and was encircled in Christophe's arms. Whatever was their topic of conversation, it stopped when Kyle stalked angrily over to Cartman and physically wrapped Cartman's arms around his waist.

**Note: If any like this story, could you leave me ideas in a review. I didn't have as much of a plan and outline for this one as I did for A Life Worth Living. **


	6. Chapter 6

The week after the confrontation was tense to say the least, especially for Kyle and me. Unfortunately, Bebe seemed to remember that we used to date, of course, our dates composed primarily of having sex, but she latched onto it like a lifeline. Now she kept trying to offer herself to me in exchange for my help to seduce Kyle, however she does not seem to remember I do not do do-overs. It was with a heavy sigh of relief that I heard the final bell ring on Friday, but the sigh quickly morphed to frustration when Bebe approached from the right. Bebe sauntered up to me as if she was some irrefutable beauty that no man could refuse, perhaps if she had not done every guy in South Park with the exception of Cartman, Kyle, Christophe, Gregory, and possibly Stan. Deciding to ignore Bebe, I walked away toward where I knew Kyle would be waiting at his locker for Cartman to be done with whatever talking to he would receive from his last teacher. However, it was with some surprise that I found Kyle in a heated debate with Stan. It was clear from the stiff back and red face that Kyle was extremely annoyed, but either Stan was too dense to notice or too wrapped up in his argument. Getting closer to them, I was able to hear some of what they were saying.

"Kyle it's not about me not liking Cartman, it's about you!"

"Bullshit, it's about you feeling unsure about your sexuality and feeling like I should wait for you."

"Damn it Kyle, no, I'm straight okay. I figured it out, but I still want you with the right person, someone I accept as being good for you. You're like my brother okay!"

"I don't believe you! My mother accepts our relationship, she actually told Cartman she expected a ring on my finger by graduation and Ike thinks I couldn't have done better, so what the fuck is your problem?"

"They don't know what you need!"

"Oh, and you do?" The response to that question I was not able to get as Bebe caught up with me and began to rant on about my duty as Kyle's friend to set him up with a nice girl. 'If it's my duty to set him up with a nice girl, then why in the hell would I choose you?' I thought in annoyance and slight amusement. A loud bang caught my attention, I turned back to the arguing former 'super best friends' to see Stan knocked out against the lockers and Kyle hanging onto Cartman's suspiciously wet shirt. Raising my eyebrow and giving a significant glance to Bebe, I scowled when a smirk told me that I was on my own. Finally, tuning into the dangerously obsessed girls rants I am shocked at how delusional she really is.

"I know I have enough evidence, I even got an old hacker boyfriend of mine to hack Gregory's files to show that Cartman is a mercenary. Plus with the pictures and witnesses to his attacking me in the cafeteria, they will have to put him away! Of course, once Kyle is free of him, his testimony will put the bastard away for at least one life sentence. So all I need you to do Kenny is try and get recordings of them talking about their missions," Bebe said with an insane glint in her eye. It seemed not to get through to her that any hacker in the South Park area most likely worked for Gregory, which means those files are useless, or that no one in their right mind would testify about the cafeteria incident if they valued their life. 'I am not even going to get into her delusions about Kyle' I thought with some pity. Somehow, I was able to get the girl to leave without pledging myself to anything, although she did leave me a tape recorder, and make my way to Cartman and Kyle. Giving a shrug of my shoulders in reply to the questioning glance Cartman gave me, we walked in silence out to the parking lot. There we ran into Gregory and Christophe standing against Christophe's custom-painted Harley Davidson. 'Of course Christophe would be a motorcycle guy' I thought with very little surprise evident from the observation.

"Nice bike," I stated causally with an amused glint in my eyes.

"Isn't it, I bought it for his birthday," Gregory stated as if it was an everyday occurrence to buy your boyfriend a very well known, highly priced motorcycle for a birthday present.

"What's that?" Christophe asked, gesturing to the tape recorder that I was still unknowingly holding in my hands.

"Oh Bebe is under the impression that a recording of you plotting your nefarious mercenary activities would round out her evidence against Cartman and decided without any prompting from me that I would gain that recording for her. Apparently she had an old hacker boyfriend break into your files Gregory," I stated with a raised eyebrow at the high-class blonde that no doubt had a plan.

"Did she now?" Gregory replied with an amused smirk. "I'm sure Tony forgot to mention that he works for me or that the files sent to her were encrypted with a failsafe so the moment they are copied, sent, or printed, the information changes into harmless online communications between Kyle and Cartman."

"Okay so that is one hurdle down, what about Stan?" I directed at Kyle, who became extremely uncomfortable under my scrutinizing gaze.

"There is nothing going on with Stan, he just needs time," Kyle said hopefully, but with a hint of disbelief of his own words.

"So what was with the 'you're just angry I'm not waiting for you' part? I was positive that Stan was 100% straight, but maybe that would explain his on-again-off-again relationship with Wendy," I said in shock and thoughtfulness.

"He, he went through a confused stage back in middle school. He thought that maybe he was gay or bi so he asked me to wait until he figured it out, at the beginning of high school he said he was most definitely straight. I thought this was all done, but now he is freaking out and in the hall he kissed me," Kyle said in anguish at the problems Stan was causing him.

"Did you ever want to be with him?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and expertly ignoring the possessive gesture of Cartman pulling Kyle to him.

"No, I just wanted to help him through it if he was gay or bi but never gave him the impression that I wanted to be with him. Although he believed that to be the case," Kyle answered, "were you spying on me!" I quickly redirected the focus of the conversation to weekend plans. Riding in Cartman's truck, which he started driving to school to keep Kyle away from Stan and Bebe, I was slightly surprised when I was not dropped off at home. Arriving at Cartman's house with Christophe pulling in behind us, I realized that a more private place was desired for in depth plans.


	7. Chapter 7

Sitting around Cartman's square table kind of reminded me of the mafia movie, all we need was to be eating spaghetti and we would be all set. The conversation was similar to what I suspected the mafia might talk about. Kyle sat on Cartman's lap and Gregory, who seemed more comfortable being open around just us, sat on Christophe's lap. I felt a bit uncomfortable, like the gay guy who gets set up on a blind date by his well meaning, but completely in denial sister with her female best friend. Of course, it didn't last long as the reason for our meeting surfaced in the form of Gregory asking for the tape recorder. Upon handing it to him, Gregory put his finger to his lips in the universal 'Be Quiet' sign and gave a pointed look to Cartman and Christophe before pushing the play button. At first, Christophe began to ruffle papers in the binder that Gregory had placed on the counter in imitation of looking for something in a stack of papers.

"Cartman are you ready for our next _outing_," Christophe asked in his usual serious tone.

"Of course, I just need the information about our target," Cartman said in a grumble, giving the impression that he was didn't have any feeling about the matter or was preoccupied with other things. A noncommittal grunt was given before Christophe again ruffled the papers and pulled one out, which surprisingly looked legit. Cartman looked over the paper making humming noises and muttering information such as time to get certain places and coordinates. After a moment Cartman spoke up, "I think our best bet would be to come in from the mountain range and trek down, it seems the safest route."

"I agree, it is probably the best route, although I am a bit concerned about the instability of that slope. Could that be used to our advantage?" Christophe asked, as he seemed to be mentally considering their options. Kyle quietly got up from his position on Cartman's lap and retreated up the stairs, I followed. Seeing Kyle walk into an open bedroom door, I followed soon enough to see Kyle fall heavily onto a large bed. He seemed worried, scared, or something and unfortunately for me began to cry. Moving closer, I sat on the edge of the bed and began to talk about nothing to help him get his mind off whatever he was thinking about.

The rest of the weekend was rather boring until Sunday when I was hanging out with Kyle at his house. We were sitting in his living room playing Wii, when an insistent knocking sounded from the door. Ike came out of the kitchen and passed by us muttering about lazy bastards and not being the maid; I am not exactly sure exactly what all he said as I tuned him out to be able to focus on the game. A heated debate caught my attention, especially when the voices rose in volume.

"Ike, so help me…" a voice that could only belong to Stan threatened with the clichéd and overused 'Leave Off' threat.

"I already told you Marsh, Kyle is not here," Ike growled out.

"I saw him through the window, I know he is here. Listen, I just want to talk to him. Will you just let me talk to him?" Stan pleaded. I could picture him running his fingers through his hair, as he normally does when frustrated or nervous. Glancing over at Kyle, I could see that he was about to give in and walk over to the foyer if only to stop the argument.

"What do you _need_ to talk to Kyle about? Unless you came to _apologize_, you need to leave. What do you not understand about their relationship? Kyle is happy, Eric takes care of him, and they are perfect for each other; end of story," Ike said giving a more subtle threat with his words. I gave an impressive whistle before glancing over to see Kyle's reaction to his brother's forwardness. Kyle was sitting tensely on the edge of the sofa. 'I wonder how he will react to Stan's answer' I thought before settling back for the show.

"You don't understand. Cartman is an evil asshole who will end up hurting Kyle! You should be protecting him; he is your brother after all! Come on, just let me in," Stan pleaded with a bit of an accusation in his words. From the sound of the door slamming and muffled cursing, I assumed that Ike disliked the answer and refused to let Stan in with the most obvious refusal: slamming the door in his face. Kyle followed Ike into the kitchen when the furious pre-teen passed by us and I followed to offer emotional support. 'At least that will be the excuse I give if Kyle asks why I followed him' I thought as I sauntered through the kitchen doorway. Watching Ike pace back and forth was a bit unsettling. Kyle seemed amused though. I jumped when Ike round on us and started ranting about stupid idiots that kept childhood grudges and really what was he eight. Pursing my lips so that I did not laugh, I watched as Ike burnt himself out. We all jumped when a thumping noise came from upstairs. Kyle and Ike looked confused, so I mouthed, "Are your parents home?" They both shook their heads in the negative. Ike reached into the side pocket of Kyle's cargo pants and pulled out his cell phone. He obviously called someone on speed dial and said four words into the receiver that would not be out of place in this situation, "Someone's in the house."

Not even an hour later, I heard a cry from upstairs and Cartman's voice. We headed upstairs to see Cartman standing next to a knocked out Stan who had a knife sticking in one of his legs. "Do you have a first aid kit?" was Cartman's calm question. After patching Stan up, Cartman turned him over and slapped his face a few times to wake the other teen up. On the third try, Stan sat up covering his face and saying something about Wendy. Stan moved his arms down and looked around at us and then down at his leg, which was wrapped in a bandage. I saw his eyes light up as if he suddenly remembered where he was.

"Dude, you stabbed me!" Stan accused while pointing at Cartman who was leaning against the hallway wall.

"Stan, why are you in my house?" Kyle asked in a very tight voice.


	8. Chapter 8

Stan blinked a few times before flinching; I think he finally registered the coldness in Kyle's voice. I watched in rapt attention as Stan looked around him to see if he had any allies, but only flinched again at the looks in Ike's and Cartman's eyes. Fishing in his pocket for something, Stan handed a note to Kyle. Sliding up behind Kyle to read over his shoulder, my eyes widened at the contents.

_Dear Stan,_

_I've had enough of your issues. Being with you was my dream, regardless of our problems; like any girl, I was hoping for a fairy tale wedding, but now I know that you're no prince charming. Maybe it all stems from your fucked up family, but truthfully I think that you're just obsessive. At first, I was willing to overlook your obsessions, confusing it as passion, but this takes the cake. You said repeatedly that you were not gay, yet you refuse to accept Kyle's relationship with Cartman on the pretense that he is not good enough for Kyle. Truthfully, I cannot say anything about their relationship, as I don't truly know them that well and neither do you. Listen up mister super-best-friend, people change. Maybe you don't understand that or you aren't willing to accept that, but Kyle is no longer that hot-headed Jewish kid that played video games with you. Kyle __**loves**__ Cartman and from what I have seen, the feeling is mutual. Do you truly believe that you can change that? Writing this isn't going to change anything, after all I have been arguing with you about this since it all became known. Just know that we are over and that you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't claim to be straight and want to be with me, but also want Kyle to not date on the off chance that you might be gay. Fuck that and fuck you!_

_Don't contact me,_

_Wendy_

I was shocked at Wendy actually writing this shit out and handing it to Stan, but to me it didn't seem like anything other than a routine breakup between the two. Apparently Kyle thought similarly as he threw the letter back at Stan before telling him something along those lines. Stan seeing that he was not getting any sympathy began to stutter out something about needing his best friend and a shoulder to cry on, seemed a rather bold move to me with Cartman standing against the wall twirling a knife in his hands. Cartman seemed to grow tired of the roundabout question/answer session between Kyle and Stan and stepped away from the wall flashing his knife for Stan to see. I raised an eyebrow at the obvious intimidation technique but shrugged it off knowing that Kyle wouldn't let things get too out of control in his house. "I'm gonna ask one last time, what does that letter have to do with you being if my damn house," Kyle asked in a growl.

"I needed to talk to you, you know, someone to listen. I know that Wendy and I are always going through shit and she breaks up with me at least once every three months, but this just felt different. Come on, we're supposed to be best friends and now I need you and instead your shacked up with Cartman of all people," Stan ranted. I could see the betrayal and anger in his eyes and actually felt shocked that he was being such a dick.

"I'm not your fucking therapist and it's not my job to listen to every little thing that happens in your life!" Kyle shouted turning his customary red color that seemed to be most vibrant in redheads.

"That's not what I meant!" Stan defended himself.

"No what you meant is that I should be in a position to be available at your beck and call. According to you, I should be waiting here in my house when not in school to provide a willing ear and a shoulder to cry on. Well as Wendy said, fuck you!" Kyle hissed, obviously pissed. Stan gulped as he realized that Kyle was not going to take his pathetic excuses or explanations. Ike smirked before surprising me before bodily picking Stan up, leading him to the window that in Kyle's room that he obviously climbed into and pushing him out. "Ike that was a two-story drop, you might have hurt him!"

"He'll survive, we wouldn't be so lucky as to have it any other way," Ike said with a shrug before walking past us to his room.

The next week was tense, especially considering that Stan had broken his arm in the drop from the window. He spent his time rotating his glare between Cartman, Wendy and Kyle, which amused me to no end. Of course, if it wasn't Stan and his emo-ness then it was Bebe and her obsessions. 'Maybe there is a pattern here, they both are obsessive and both focused on Kyle' I think while zoning out in homeroom. Truthfully, I am just waiting for lunch, as I believe that either Stan or Bebe is going to boil over and provide an entertaining show. As soon as the bell rang, I was out of my seat and the classroom before the others were finished packing up. Unfortunately, Bebe cornered me at my locker. Sighing, I turned toward her waiting for her to start spewing whatever nonsense was going to come out her mouth. Bebe took a moment to look up and down the hallway in what she must have thought was a inconspicuous way, truthfully I thought she looked like a baboon checking for competitors after finding a food source. 'Man I have to stop watching animal documentaries' I thought before turning my attention back to Bebe, reluctantly.

"Did you get the tape?" Bebe asked hopefully, her eyes glinting in a disturbing way. Wordlessly I handed her the doctored tape and closed my locker loudly. It was entertaining to see her startle and look around similar to a squirrel before berating me for the noise. Tuning out her words, I began to walk towards the cafeteria. Unfortunately, she fell into step beside me continuing to talk about my rudeness, Kyle's goodness, and Cartman's evil. 'Will this slut ever shut her mouth' I thought while entering the cafeteria with Bebe glued to my side like a leech. Finally, she left me to go to her own table and I sat down at my table with Cartman and Christophe. I nearly, very nearly, began to bang my head against the tabletop if only to dislodge the echo of Bebe's voice, but noticed Kyle and Gregory walking through the door. The two were talking back and forth, Kyle using his arms to convey better whatever he was saying to Gregory. They were halfway to the table before Stan stopped them. An unspoken command seemed to be given between the three of us as Cartman, Christophe and I got up to move closer in the event of a conflict.

"Damn it, this isn't you! Don't you get it Kyle? He changed you and not for the better," Stan cried in rage.

"I think I have said already that I don't want to talk to you about this," Kyle said calmly, although it was obvious that he was angry by the subtle shaking of his arms and hands.

"Look at what your psycho boyfriend did to me! Look, he broke my damn arm and stabbed me in the leg! I might have lost my chance at a football scholarship completely, don't you even care?" Stan exclaimed dropping into desperation at the end as he hoped Kyle felt somewhat bad.

"First of all, Eric is not psycho and second Ike threw you out the window so don't even start spreading vicious lies," Kyle said angrily, "Don't think that you can use sympathy tactics on me, you broke into **my** house! You've been slandering **my** boyfriend! You deserve whatever you get for being a bigoted, immature child who cannot see past his own selfish wants and desires."

"I think we are done here," Gregory stated dismissively before trying to steer Kyle away. Bravely or stupidly, Stan stepped in front of them before putting a hand on Kyle's chest. 'Wrong move' I thought before hearing Stan cry out in pain. Cartman had twisted Stan's good arm behind his back and from the blood seeping through Stan's pants I figured the wound had been reopened. Stan tried to wrench himself free, which worked, although I think Cartman let him go. After getting himself upright, Stan lunged at Cartman. Kyle was being held back by Christophe and Gregory until a couple cops came out of nowhere and began to restrain Cartman. Looking down at Stan, I couldn't believe the damage done to him as very little was left as his natural skin tone.


	9. Chapter 9

The police were quick to wrestle Cartman to the ground and cuff him. I was sympathetic to Kyle who stood screaming his lungs out as he struggled in Christophe and Gregory's hold. Wendy was kneeling next to Stan both frightened at his state and angry with Cartman. 'Maybe I'm that weird outside observer who doesn't have enough sentimentality to empathize with the events around me but seems to me that Stan brought this on himself' I thought in a rare moment of maturity. Cartman seemed apathetic as he was manhandled out of the cafeteria into the awaiting police car. The sirens faded away and the veil of shock lifted over our classmates. It was as the whispering started that I made my way over to Kyle and half pulled, half carried the quiet boy over to our table. Gregory immediately reassured us that he would have the best lawyers in South Park on Cartman's case while Christophe seemed to be strategizing on how to spin the events leading to Cartman's arrest. Kyle's listlessness worried me much more than Cartman's arrest, after all I know he was arrested at least twice before this time. I made sure to walk with Kyle on his way home if only to prevent him from walking into a busy street or something. When we arrived at his house, it was to see Ike sitting on the front steps seemingly waiting.

"I heard what happened," Ike said in explanation as he stood and took his older brother into his arms.

"Must be all over South Park by now," I grumbled good-naturedly, knowing how fast our grapevine ran.

"Yeah, Dad decided that he was going to personally take Cartman's case and began talking to as many as he could to figure out what exactly happened. He said that if it came to a trial he would ask Gregory, Christophe, Kyle and you to testify since you are the only ones who were direct witnesses. Plus I told him about what happened the other day," Ike said flippantly, obviously not worried. We made a bit more small talk and I was about to leave when an angry cry made me turn back toward where Ike was helping Stan into the house.

"Your bastard of a boyfriend beat Stan to a bloody pulp!" Wendy screamed from where she must have followed us and hid behind a building.

"He was protecting me from your ex-boyfriend so what does it matter? If anything you are just as responsible considering you abandoned Stan **again** instead of just helping him through whatever is going on with him," Kyle hissed reminding me of a disgruntled cat.

"I abandoned him? I abandoned him! You fucking abandoned him! You started dating Cartman and didn't even care about Stan enough to tell him. You kicked him out of your house in him moment of need-" Wendy started accusing.

"His moment of need, that's bullshit. I'll tell you like I told him, I'm not a fucking shrink and I am not responsible for listening to every minute of his life. I have my own life and that life includes Eric who I love. My not telling Stan was because of his bullshit, I had no doubt that this would happen no matter if I told him then or now so excuse me if I wanted a stable relationship with Eric before I included the whirlwind that is Stan's fucked up feelings," Kyle said huffing much like he used to when we were kids. Wendy seemed to be at a loss as to what to say because she stood there opening and closing her mouth like a fish, it would have been entertaining if I were not getting so annoyed by all the drama. 'Maybe I have been alive for too long' I thought.

Gregory and Kyle's dad were good on their word because Cartman was out of jail only days after his arrest and just in time for the dance. To get Kyle's mind off everything, Gregory drug Kyle and me shopping for outfits. I would have made some smart-ass comment about seeing boobs growing on the two gay boys if only I could be sure that they wouldn't kick my ass. Watching the two boys chatting and trying on different outfits at each store was slightly disconcerting, but that all changed when a busty redhead asked if I could give her a "gay" man's opinion on her outfit. Of course, to make an accurate assessment I had to see the beauty from every angle and even convinced her that I needed to see how each piece fit by itself to judge the piece as a whole. Amazingly, I was able to get her number without being slapped. Turning my attention back to Kyle and Gregory, I saw the shock and slight respect on their faces at my successful conquest. Getting done much sooner than a shopping trip with females would take, we were soon sitting in Carman's kitchen much like during the tape recorder incident.

"Heard anything from Bebe?" Cartman asked gruffly.

"No, she has been suspiciously quiet. Although, I think she was very pleased with your recent incarceration. She may be planning some type of confrontation soon," Gregory stated factually.

"Most likely at the school dance tomorrow night," I said with a shrug.

"Why at the dance?" Christophe asked confusedly.

"It's always some type of public blowup in the movies," I said with another shrug, "and really will this be anything but predictable."


	10. Chapter 10

It was two hours before the dance and I was sitting in Kyle's room watching him adjust his suit for the twentieth time. Smoothing down the dress slacks and shirt that I borrowed off Kyle, I sighed when Kyle fidgeted again. Moving to stand in front of Kyle, I grabbed his hands to stop the constant adjustments only for the doorbell to ring announcing Cartman's arrival. Walking down the stairs prompted another preening session during which Kyle checked his hair and straightened his clothes. Opening the door, I was slightly shocked at how well Cartman cleaned up for the dance. He was decked out in an emerald suit and crisp sea foam green dress shirt that showed off his build. His hair was slicked back and in his hand, he held a small box. I was tempted to make a crack about giving Kyle a corsage, but stopped myself. Stepping out of his way, I watched as Cartman walked over to Kyle with a singular focus. When they shared a kiss, I turned away but not enough to not see the lip lock.

"Guys, we need to go and I'm sure my date is waiting," I said with a hint of amusement coating my voice. Kyle startled, which I found entertaining, while Cartman just raised his brow at me. Rolling my eyes, I walked out the door to wait by Cartman's truck. Soon we were on the way to the dance, after picking up my date of course. The traffic to the prom was epic in terms of normal traffic in South Park and surprisingly I could see Stan's car in one of the parking place. 'Isn't he supposed to still be in the hospital?' I thought in shock 'then again, nothing is normal in South Park.' Cartman parked in an available space near the exit of the lot and cut the engine; I nearly jumped in surprise when Christophe knocked on the window. Kyle snickered at my jumpiness but I just gave a shrug in return. Due to the exchange, I missed whatever conversation occurred between Cartman and Christophe. Before I could ponder what I missed, my date grabbed my arm and began steering me behind Cartman and Kyle. Entrance into the prom was inconsequential considering we had two obsessed, stalker-psychos to deal with; hopefully, they wouldn't both pull shit tonight. I picked a table in the corner of the room for our group and we sat facing the dance floor. My date decided my lap was more comfortable than the table, which neither I nor a certain part of my anatomy had any problem with; therefore, it was no surprise that I missed the approach of one of the stalker-psychos.

"I can't believe you showed up with him," said a disgruntled Stan. I looked up to see Stan with a few bandages peeking out of the edges his suit and a sling on his arm glaring at Cartman. Wendy appeared beside him in a strappy mid-thigh length dress with a murderous expression.

"You should still be in prison for assault; no doubt your _connections_ are what got you released!" Wendy said maliciously, while linking her arm with Stan's undamaged arm.

"Actually, Kyle's father got me out of jail due to inefficient evidence of assault. Technically, I was defending Kyle and justified in my actions thusly. Regardless of that fact, it is a good idea to consider that such _connections_ could make me a dangerous enemy," Cartman said calmly, almost as if he was discussing the weather. I nearly snickered at the expression on Wendy's face until her shock became fury.

"How dare you threaten me! Come on Stan, it's obvious that Kyle is a lost cause," Wendy said before trying unsuccessfully to pull Stan away from our table. Kyle, who expected some type of confrontation tonight, took the insult without complaint although the tenseness of his jaw betrayed his anger.

"I'm not letting my best friend be dragged under by that evil, son-of-a-bitch," Stan said while he held his ground in front of our table. Wendy glared at us before beginning an apparently common argument with Stan about her dislike of his relationship with Kyle. The more I listened to them, the more I felt a headache coming on.

"Listen, as interesting as all this drama is I'm not all that willing to be a part of it. Call me later, Kenny," my date said before standing up and leaving. I nodded and watched her hips sway as she left. Turning my attention back to the impending blowup, I was glad to see that the argument was over. Wendy was now alternating her glare between Kyle, Cartman, and Stan.

"You have to listen to me Kyle; I only want what is best for you, okay?" Stan pleaded. "Cartman is-"

"I don't have to listen to you and I definitely don't want to listen to you. Nothing you say to me about Eric is going to change anything, so deal with it. I know what is best for me and the few times I do not, Eric does, so back off. Now, turn around and go find your _loving_ girlfriend," Kyle said in cold voice. I shivered slightly at the coldness in Kyle's voice, but it was when Cartman pulled a gun that I truly feared whatever was about to happen. Stan paled upon noticing the gun that Cartman sat just on top of the table.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell dude?" I asked frantically.

"I'm not going through this shit, he backs off or else," Cartman growled out, repeatedly tensing and relaxing his arm out of annoyance.

"No, I'm not talking to you fat-ass, I'm talking to the MVP over there," I said, "what the hell is your problem?"

"Ken, I-"

"No, don't bother; I don't want to know what's going through your head. Just realized this, he is a mercenary," I said pointing to Cartman, "he is dangerous, he is psychotic, and you are pissing him off."

"But-"

"No, shut up, I'm not done. Second thing is Kyle is a big boy, Kyle can make his own decisions, and Kyle is not your property. I understand where Kyle is coming from; I've seen the way you act around him. Kyle's right, he is not obligated in any way to be there for you yet you seem to treat him like he is. You do **not **know Cartman. I've seen them together, they are good for each other and if you can't be enough of a fried to support him then perhaps you should fuck off," I ended my uncharacteristic speech heatedly. Stan and Kyle both sat in stunned silence at my heated involvement into their problems. There was only a moment before Kyle sent a blinding smile my way and Stan unable to say anything to counter me walked away. We settled back into our seats hoping that we would at least get a little time to enjoy the dance before the next confrontation. I was sent to collect punch for us and unfortunately ran into Wendy and Bebe.

"Oh if it isn't the little fag-lover," Wendy sneered at me while blocking my path. I raised an eyebrow at her, but didn't rise to the bait.

"So where are they Kenny? I have enough to bust that psycho bastard that took away my Kyle," Bebe said in a maniacal manner. Rolling my eyes at the girl's obsession, I sidestepped the two and continued my trek to the refreshment table. Grabbing an armful of cups, I made my way back to the table very aware of the girl following me. Setting the drinks on the middle of the table I gave a quiet warning to the others before Bebe appeared behind me. She stood there in silence for a moment before she started smirking evilly.

"The police should be on their way as I sent the evidence to them earlier and informed them that I both you and I would be here at the dance," Bebe said smugly, "I will happily watch as they drag you out of here." As if on cue, sirens could be heard cutting through the music only minutes before two cops walked through the doors. They made their way over to the frantically waving Bebe and looked at our table briefly.

"Are you Bebe Stevens?" one of the men in blue asked. At Bebe's nod, the other continued with their questions.

"You sent in _information_ regarding one Eric Cartman?" the other asked.

"Yes, there's the soon-to-be convict!" Bebe screeched pointing straight at Cartman. The officers nodded before one radioed someone, who I assumed was waiting outside for such a reason. Two more officials walked in, these ones were dressed completely in white and headed not toward Cartman but toward the confused Bebe. Once she realized what was happening, she began to struggle wildly, but no amount of struggling stopped them from dragging her out of the dance in a straightjacket.

"I'm very sorry about all this Mr. Cartman, but from what we can tell this young woman is very ill. We'll be taking her somewhere she can get the proper help," one of the police said apologetically.


	11. Chapter 11

We got a bit of a break from stalker-like issues until the end of the year what with Bebe being locked up in a mental institution and all. I became pretty close to Kyle as I spent all my free time with him, especially when Cartman was on "hunting" trips. Spending so much time around a gay couple made me re-evaluate myself sometimes, although the answer always remained the same: I'm straight. Whenever I mentioned these inner evaluations to Kyle, he would just laugh and say that I'm obviously straight. However, to get back on topic, we got a break from stalker tendencies until the end of the year and the start of university/college search season. I was sitting on top of a bench in the park where Kyle was researching different schools that could accommodate him, Cartman, Christophe and Gregory. 'Speak of the devil and he shall come' I thought when I saw Gregory walking our way with a laptop in hand.

"Eric told me to come help you so you didn't end up making yourself sick from stress," Gregory said in way of explanation before sitting down beside Kyle and looking over his progress so far. He hummed and crossed a few other schools off Kyle's ridiculously long list, making sure to write a reason down as Kyle had done for all the other crossed off schools. About an hour passed with the two clicking away before an unwanted guest interrupted them.

"We're still going to the same school after graduation, right Kyle?" Stan's voice asked from the side of us. We turned in his direction to see him standing there looking pathetic. His hair was a mess and sticking up all over rather than gelled in the spikes that he had taken to wearing in middle school. Large bags under his eyes indicated that he hadn't been sleeping, probably due to the creepy obsession he had with Kyle. The largest indicator that he wasn't himself was that his clothes didn't match and had no sports insignia showing on any of the mismatched clothes.

"No, we're not," Kyle said simply before turning back to the computer. I watched Stan's reaction, as was Gregory out of the corner of his eye, and saw a dangerous anger flood his face. If he would have started yelling, cursing, or even pleading I would have relaxed, but instead he walked away. 'Fuck, the shit gonna hit the fan; I just know it' I thought before glancing at Gregory to see him texting a quick message on his cell before returning to the college search. We all met up in the mall about an hour later, since that was when Cartman and Christophe finished their monthly training session. Sometimes I wondered what exactly that entailed, but wasn't suicidal enough to ask; after all, death hurt even if I did come back alive. I spaced as we walked around the mall until stopping at a new store I never noticed before; it was a wedding outfitter only for men. Raising an eyebrow at the oddness, I walked in behind the four only to choke when I realized exactly why the store catered only to men.

"When did gay marriage get legalized in South Park?" I asked curiously, maybe I'm out of the loop.

"Mom just got the law passed yesterday, Big Gay Al wasted no time opening this shop with the help of Mr./Mrs. Garrison," Kyle responded in amusement.

"Nothing's ever normal in South Park," we all chorused together.

"So, who's getting married?" I asked shrewdly, 'I mean we have to be in here for a reason.' From Kyle's blush and Gregory's teasing smile, I deduced that Cartman upgraded the promise ring to an engagement ring. "Why don't you two ever tell people things?" We spent thirty minutes looking at the different suits and another ten looking at the male equivalent of a wedding dress, designed by Big Gay Al. I wondered what we were going to do about Stan, but figured that Gregory would come up with a plan just like he did for Bebe.

**Author: I'm not quite sure what I want to do about Stan. Let me know if you have any ideas, please.**


	12. Chapter 12

It was a month into summer vacation and Stan had this habit of appearing wherever we were, I personally thought he was stalking Kyle. Currently, Kyle and I were hanging out in the mall as I was supposed to stand as best man for Kyle, so we were looking at wedding clothes. Kyle was feeling the fabric of a kimono that was a pale green with vines patterns at the hem, sleeve edges, and along the shoulders. Turning to me, Kyle asked my opinion. I shrugged and Kyle looked at the kimono once more before shaking his head and looking at the next option. Big Gay Al carefully took away the mannequin that was modeling the kimono so as not to clutter the viewing room any more than necessary. Now Kyle was looking at a simpler outfit that consisted of loose white pants, a knee length white shirt that had large flowing sleeves and a green vest sporting vine patterns all around it. I approached the outfit that Kyle was currently mesmerized with and thought that was a good outfit for him. Encouraging my friend to try the garments on, I hoped that he would fall in love with this one and we wouldn't have to go through another hour of looking for the perfect wedding 'dress'. Of course, once we figured out the color scheme of Kyle's outfit, that information would be relayed to Gregory who would come here with Cartman and Christophe to get Cartman's suit. Frankly, I thought this all was annoyingly complex planning for just one day, albeit it was a very special day.

"Okay, this is the outfit I'm going to wear on my wedding day. It's perfect," Kyle said after stepping out of the changing area for me to see how it looked. My mouth dropped at how good the outfit looked on Kyle, the green of the vest brought out his eyes and the flowing legs and sleeves made it look like a wedding dress might without emasculating him. The pure white made his creamy skin look a bit darker and his hair fell around his face as a wavy mass, coming together to make a beautiful picture. 'Damn, if I was gay and suicidal enough to challenge Cartman, I'd make a pass at Kyle' I thought in shock. "Kenny, what do you think?"

"It looks great," I breathed in shock, "um, ah, yeah, so we done now?" My lame save didn't help to lessen the amusement on Kyle's face, but I was relieved when he turned to go back into the changing room. Letting Big Gay Al know what outfit he wanted, Kyle agreed to come in for a fitting next week before we left the store. Unfortunately, we walked straight into Wendy after leaving.

"Don't tell me that you and that bastard are getting married?" she shrieked upon noticing exactly what store we came left. I rolled my eyes at the obvious question and went to pull Kyle past her. "Oh, no you don't! You ruined my relationship with Stan and you're going to pay for it!"

"No, you ruined your own relationship," Kyle said sadly. "You thought that you could just wash your hands of Stan's problem and come back when he was all better; but this time he didn't get better. Instead of helping him get better and making your relationship even a miniscule of what Cartman and I have, you ran like a coward and effectively pushed him further into instability. Whatever happens is on your conscience." I smirked at the flinch she gave when Kyle's accusing eyes found hers and deepened my smirk when she turned around in defeat. Continuing on our way, Kyle and I stopped at a stationary store to pick up the necessary invitation material before leaving the mall. Kyle's mom picked us up and started twittering about taste testing schedules, flower types, and seating arrangements. I tuned her out as too much of the woman could drive someone to seriously contemplate homicide; wonder how that will work out with Cartman already being homicidal.

Ike and I were watching in amusement as Kyle was taken through catalogue after catalogue of wedding stuff with his mom. Every type of formal tablecloth in existence was laid out in the pages of the catalogue along with different dinnerware designs and centerpieces. I laughed when Kyle focused a pleading, desperate look at his father as he walked into the room. Mr. Broflowski quickly redirected her wife's attentions and Kyle made a run for it. A shout and thump from Kyle's room concerned us and the four of us ran up to Kyle's room to find him gone. Mrs. Broflowski panicked and began shrieking Kyle's name while Mr. Broflowski took a calmer approach and looked for Kyle in the other rooms around the house. However, Ike and I knew who did this. Pulling out my cell phone, I called Cartman who told me that he would be over immediately. It was only minutes before Cartman's truck could be seen pulling up outside. Going out to meet him, I told him what little I could of what happened to Kyle. He growled out Stan's name only moments before his cell started ringing.

"Hello?" Cartman growled out, not sure of who it was so trying to be a bit polite.

"Eric, err… I mean Cartman. This is Kyle, I'm just calling to say that I cannot be with you anymore and I'm breaking up with you. I love Stan; he understands me more than you ever could. Don't come looking for us," came the just barely audible voice of Kyle.

"You love Stan? Okay, so how does Stan understand you?" Cartman said roughly. I could tell he did not believe it for a moment.

"He knows what I want, he treats me how I want to be treated, he even brought me to my favorite place," Kyle answered hesitantly. Cartman's eyes started to gleam and I figured whatever Kyle said had some type of meaning to him.

"So, you see _Eric_, I am the perfect person for him," Stan's voice said faintly, making me guess he was in the background and wherever they were wasn't very quiet. Cartman seemed to be struggling not to rise to the bait.

"I know you can hear me Stan; I'm coming for you," Cartman said before hanging up the phone.


	13. Chapter 13

Once again, I was sitting in Cartman's kitchen plotting to take care of a stalker; of course, there was the notable exception of Kyle being in said stalker's possession. Christophe was solemn as he watched Cartman pace back and forth near the table and Gregory was calculating as he considered whatever scenarios were running through his mind. Cartman still hadn't let onto whatever clue Kyle had given during their brief talk, but that could be due to him trying to calm down enough to rationally consider his approach. Finally, I got tired of waiting for Cartman to get over his rage enough to tell us what he knew.

"So, how do we know where Kyle is?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"He said Marsh took him to his favorite place, yes? That is what you remember him saying right Kenny?" Gregory asked him, "Well where is that?"

"His favorite place is his room, but we know he's not there," Kenny said confusedly.

"Then perhaps he said something that was supposed to be meaningful to Eric," Gregory said thoughtfully. Christophe hummed, before his expression changed from solemn to thoughtful. I raised an eyebrow at the abrupt change in concern. It seemed that Gregory was similarly confused as he watched Christophe grab a map from the unused pile and begin to mumble to himself.

"Wanna share with the rest of the class?" I asked sarcastically while watching the mercenary prepare a plan of attack.

"I remember Kyle jokingly telling Cartman that if he wanted to take him somewhere he should take him to his favorite place," Christophe said as his eyes continued to scan the map.

"Right, and that place was?" I asked, not sure how that helped us in the least.

"He said that his 'favorite' place was the woods," Christophe said as he continued to scan the map, probably for possible hiding spots.

"Of course, Kyle has hated the woods ever since hearing Cartman's story about the creepy woodland creatures that used him to bring the Antichrist into the world," I said both in amusement and relief that we had at least a starting point for looking for Kyle.

"Now we must find out where in the woods he is," Gregory said before beginning to help Christophe look over the maps.

"I know where he is," Cartman said dangerously.

I'm still not sure how I ended up involved in this plan, but as I crouched in the bushes outside of Stan's hunting cabin I wondered if I would be able to play along. Of course, my part was not nearly as in depth as Christophe's or Cartman's parts. Waiting for the signal, I watched through the window as Stan caressed Kyle's cheek only to slap him when Kyle flinched away. Christophe's birdcall prompted me to move around to the side of the cabin and listen for an opportune moment to strike. Inside I heard Stan ranting about Cartman's filthy hands touching Kyle and Kyle belonging to him and only him; it scared me quite a bit. I heard a phone ring before Stan's voice answered it.

"Wendy? I thought I told you that we are through, I'm Kyle's now and Kyle is mine," Stan said angrily.

"Fuck Cartman and I don't need help!" Stan yelled before there was a loud crash. I flinched at the noise, only to wonder when Stan became so violent. There was muttering and more loud crashes before I heard a loud thump. Apparently whatever gag was in Kyle's mouth got loosened as I heard his trembling voice.

"Stan please, this isn't necessary. Eric isn't-" whatever Kyle was going to say next was cut off by a pained groan; I can only guess what Stan did to him. I wondered if Cartman would stick to the no killing rule that Gregory had set up upon finding Kyle with bruises that would no doubt be there.

"Don't you say his name! That bastard doesn't deserve you and you will forget him or else!" Stan yelled out before his tone changed. "Why do you make me angry Kyle, you know I can't control myself if I'm angry. Just let me take care of you and everything will be just fine."

"Please Stan, stop," Kyle groaned in pain. 'Shit, I hope Kyle isn't hurt too bad' I thought as I waited outside, 'that crazy bastard probably doesn't remember Kyle is diabetic.'

"Oh, Kyle, I'm gonna go get some water from the creek to clean you up with," Stan said soothingly. That freaked me out for a moment before I recognized it as the opportunity I was waiting for. Oh, I should probably tell you my role in the plan, I was supposed to get Kyle out to safety while Cartman and Christophe secured Stan. Gregory was on standby to either call the authorities or alter the plan accordingly. Sneaking into the cabin after Stan cleared the tree line, I located Kyle tied up to a chair with his head bowed. Carefully I approached him and knelt down to see his face. The left side of his face was swelling and his lip was split open probably from being hit repeatedly. Speaking softly, I got his attention and began to untie him. Kyle moaned in pain when I tackled the ropes around his chest and stomach, I figure that Stan kicked him at least once; there were rope burns around his wrist too. It took a minute before I could get Kyle standing and out the door where we were met by Cartman and Christophe.

"What the hell?" Cartman exclaimed after looking over Kyle. Kyle was shaking; Cartman took Kyle in his arms and soothed him as best he could through his anger. After calming Kyle down a bit, Cartman handed him off to me before turning to face the direction Stan had headed out.

"Take Kyle back to the car," Christophe ordered in a brisk manner.

We waited in Cartman's truck with Gregory for news about what became of Stan. Finally, Christophe's voice came over the radio.

"Couldn't stop him, we'll need plan B," came the gruff voice of Christophe.

"All right, I'm putting it into effect now," Gregory responded without a hint of surprise, "let me talk to Eric."

"How's Kyle?" Cartman's voice asked anxiously.

"Sleeping, other than that I cannot tell you how Kyle is. How did you do it?" Gregory asked in a cold business-like manner. If I didn't already know the trio specialized in murder, it might have given me pause about associating with them.

"Hung the bastard," Cartman said without a ounce of regret.

"Good, that will fit the suicide plan perfectly and the last call to the girlfriend will give credibility to the reason I have prepared. I trust that you erased any evidence that Kyle was there," Gregory said as he made some last corrections to the details of whatever plan B entailed. "Come back to get the suicide note and we will get out of here."

**Note: There is only one chapter left and then it will be the end of Kenny Sees All, thank you for sticking with me.**


	14. Chapter 14 & Epilogue

So here I stood beside Kyle while he finished putting on his wedding attire, nearly half a year delayed, but that was to be expected after the ordeal with Stan. His mother fluttered back and forth around the room making sure everyone knew their places and their parts. Ike stood without protest, as his mother fussed over him, although I'm sure he could have done without the side comments about his own future wedding. Kyle's dad came into the room and gave Kyle a smile that spoke volumes of his happy, but tearful disposition. "You nearly ready, Kyle?" Mr. Broflowski asked his son.

"Yeah, Dad, just a little bit longer," Kyle answered from his place in front of the mirror. He looked radiant in his flowing white pants and shirt and the vest helped hone in on the brightness of his eyes. For a moment Kyle's eyes dimmed and he asked a hesitant question, "Are the Marshes out there?"

"Oh Kyle, you know they don't blame you for Stan's break with reality. They even participated in your therapy sessions to help rid you of your guilt over Stan's death, so please stop feeling so frightened of a backlash. This is a happy day, okay?" Mr. Broflowski said to his son gently while wrapping a supporting arm around his shoulders. I breathed a sigh of relief when Kyle visibly relaxed his stance. With one final check that everyone was ready, we all got in position before Mrs. Broflowski quietly made her way to her seat. Walking up the aisle, I had to control my shock at Cartman's outfit; his jacket was a forest green color and what little could be seen of his dress shirt was tan, while his dress pants were a nearly blackish-brown color. Making my way to the altar, I stood off to the right, turned, and watched Kyle be escorted in by his father. He looked great walking up beside his father and most of the congregation gasped at the androgynous look that Kyle sported. I tuned most of the ceremony out but came to for the kiss of the bride, which I would never be suicidal enough to call Kyle. The kiss was lingering and possessive, but I expected nothing less from Eric Cartman.

"I guess I should call you Eric now that there are two Cartmans, huh?" I asked after we all arrived at the Kyle's house, where Mrs. Broflowski had gone all out on the reception. I was sipping on my unfortunately non-alcoholic drink a bit later watching Christophe and Gregory talk quietly in a corner when I saw the most beautiful girl that I know wasn't at the wedding walk in and remove her coat; I always liked the bad girls.

Major Time Skip

I watched Kyle label the last box of contents from the basement apartment that he and Eric had in Mrs. Cartman's house with bemusement. It was the beginning of the summer and Eric and Kyle were accepted to the same school, coincidentally Christophe and Gregory were accepted at the same school. Personally, I think that Gregory fixed it, but nothing could be proven when it came to Gregory. The newlyweds had already acquired their apartment nearby the campus and currently I was helping them pack up everything. Eric, I got used to calling him that when Kyle started answering to Cartman, and I started loading the boxes into the back of his truck. Watching them drive away while standing on the sidewalk, I thought back to all the craziness that was our junior and senior year of high school.


End file.
